Once upon a time, there was a king who had a very beautiful horse. The King adored his horse. But one day, the horse got lost. The King announced that whoever finds the horse will be rewarded. Everyone started looking for the horse to get the award, but none succeeded. Finally, a shepherd came to the king and promised to find the horse. The king said, "The smartest people in the kingdom could not find my horse." "How are you, a shepherd, going to find my horse?" The shepherd said, "Let me try." And so the king agreed.
In a short while, the shepherd found the horse and brought it to the king. The king was surprised and asked the shepherd, "How did you find my horse?" The shepherd smiled and said, "It was very easy, my king." I just put myself in your horse’s position and thought, "Where would I go if I was the horse?" That’s how I found it." The king liked the shepherd’s answer and ordered him to be rewarded.
Empathy is internalizing one's emotions, situations, or motivations.
It comes from the Latin word "empathy." It is a combination of the words "Em" which means "in," and "Pathos," which means "feeling." It means "to experience the feelings of another person."
Empathy is an innate trait, but over time, the idea of "I" takes its place.
The empathic approach will have a huge impact on the lives of all involved. but especially in the lives of those who are empathetic.
Recent studies have shown that the need for empathy today is greater than ever. Empathy has an important place in the coaching approach as well. Just like the shepherd put himself in the place of a horse in the above story, we too can put ourselves in the place of others and create a more liveable life.
It is listening with a clear heart and focusing on our inner voice until the coachee has finished speaking. Moreover, it involves placing ourselves in the coachee's shoes and listening without considering the response the coachee expects.
OBSTACLES TO EMPATHIC LISTENING
• Underestimating the coachee
• Spatial and mental barriers
• Focusing problems
• Seeing ourselves above the coachee
As long as you wish to be empathic, there is always a way...
WHY EMPATHIC LISTENING?
As a result, the coachee:
• can easily express his or her feelings and keep the session calm.
• can focus on the session and stick with the decisions taken.
• can get out of the prevailing negative emotional state
• does not spend much time on secondary problems
• can find psychological relief and return to a normal emotional state.
• can foster a sense of trust
• becomes willing to take responsibility and produce solutions
Important Notes for Coaches Regarding Emphatic Listening:
• If possible, get preliminary information about the coachee.
• Avoid giving advice.
• Open up the coachee with open-ended questions and listen to understand.
• Repeat the coachee’s words without imitating, thereby letting him/her know that we understand.
• Do not make any corrections.
• Do not start analyzing
• Do not mock
• Do not say anything just for the sake of answering.
BENEFITS OF EMPATHIC LISTENING
• Allows the coachee to unwind
• It provides psychological relief and improves the level of cooperation.
• Lowers emotional intensity
• Encourages self-assurance
• Enhances willingness to accept responsibility
• Extends the perspective
• Makes it easier to solve problems.
• Provides convenience in solving problems.
Once upon a time, an eagle built a nest on top of a large mountain. There were four eagle eggs inside the nest. One day, there was an earthquake in that area. With the severity of the earthquake, one of the eggs fell from the nest and reached a farm in the valley.
It was a chicken farm. The chickens on the farm wanted to adopt this different, somewhat large egg, which was not very similar to their eggs. So, an old chicken took the egg under its protection. They decided to grow this different egg without separating it from the others.
When the time came, the eggshell broke, and the eagle was born.
Soon, the eagle realized that this was a chicken farm, and there were hundreds of chickens around. "I must be a chicken too," the eagle thought. So, the eagle started spending time on the chicken farm and growing as a chicken.
After a while, the eagle realized that he was different. But all the other chickens on the farm saw him as a chicken and treated him as such.
From time to time, the eagle thought, "I don't look like the chickens around me; I wonder who I am." But he could not express this suspicion to anyone.
After all, he was a chicken, and he was supposed to accept it.
One day, the baby eagle was playing with chickens on the farm and saw several eagles flying high up in the skies.
He couldn't help himself and screamed with the enthusiasm of his heart, "How beautiful they fly!" I wish I could fly like them!
All the chickens around him laughed at his words and said, "You are a chicken." Don’t ever forget that "a chicken can never fly like an eagle."
After that day, the little eagle looked up into the sky almost every day, searching for eagles. When he saw an eagle, he forgot the chickens on the farm, and he followed with great admiration and longing until the eagle in the sky disappeared.
"Dear God, I wish I could flap my wings freely in the skies and fly like them," the eagle repeated every day.
As he said that, all the chickens around him told him the same thing they always said: "Give up your dreams; you're a chicken, and you'll always be a chicken."
The little eagle was so affected by the chickens around him saying the same thing several times each day that he decided to live like a chicken.
One day, other eagles grabbed the baby eagle, flew high into the skies, and let him go. That’s when the baby eagle started flying and began a new life as an eagle.